The Van Burens are wicked psyched for this week’s run of shows: first we debut at our favorite hometown venue (Thursday @ Lizard Lounge in Cambridge w. HALEY JANE in support of Ghosts of Jupiter) then we head up to Jerry Jam in Bath, NH for VB SuperBowl (a mega-epic set with lotsa fun surprises late Saturday night) (click the links or check Monday’s blog post for set times, tickets, and more details). In fact, we are so wickedly psyched for Lizard Lounge and Jerry Jam that this week we are running the ultimate countdown: that’s right, we’re going from #8 to #1 listing the all-time greatest lizards, lounges, Jerrys, and jams. Check Monday’s post for #8-6, let’s pick it back up with #5.
Nota Bene: Due to the arcane Van Buren voting system (our selection method involved blindfolds, darts, and bowlful after bowlful of peeled red grapes) our number five pick for best lizard, lounge, Jerry, or jam wound up being a Five-Way tie between some fantastic jams, a couple legendary Jerrys, and one heck of a lizard. Go figure.
#5 – Jerry Stiller
An all-time Jerry, Zoolander’s dad/agent is most famous as George Costanza’s loud, bombastic, neurotic father from Seinfeld. Cheers to Jerry’s brilliantly over-the-top performance and happy Festivus to all!
#5 – Velociraptors
And I hear what you’re saying. “P. Bear! Velociraptors are soooo played! Why not dig for the dinosaur fossil deep cuts? Like the Spinosaurus, still the world’s all-time largest carnivore? Or the Excalibosaurus, a giant aquatic reptile with a giant sword nose and a sweeeet name? Or even that little fan-neck dinosaur that spits on Newman in Jurassic Park….much hipper than raptors.”
Well-researched points all, dear reader, and always I appreciate a Seinfeld reference. But velociraptors are so cunning, so agile, so fast, so athletic (they’re the only dinosaur with an NBA team after them), so smoooooth….. admit it, if you were a dinosaur it would be most fun to be a velociraptor. And just imagine lunchtime!
#5 – Pearl Jam
This classic Seattle “grunge” crew fronted by the Hon. Edward Vedder would have made #1 on this list had they simply taken their famous “grunge”-style song “Jeremy” and renamed it “Jerry.” What a missed opportunity! Still, Pearl Jam remains an all-time jam and today takes its rightful place amongst the greatest lizards, Jerrys, and lounges.
#5 – Jheri Curls
Well technically not a “Jerry,” Jheri curls cannot be denied in terms of cultural impact. Jheri curls are glamorous. Jehri curls are glistening. Jheri curls are by far the world’s most popular hairstyle, outpacing even such luminaries as the Flat-Top, the Rachel, the Inverted Chattanooga 9-Point Mullet, the Hipster Hitler, and the Bowl Cut you had that long summer between third and sixth grade. Scratch that, Jheri curls aren’t even a hairstyle to being with; Jheri curls are a hair way-of-life. Let your soul glow!
Factoring in flavor, consistency, versatility, spreadablity, availability, as well as several very personal aesthetic considerations, I give strawberry jam a rating three-and-a-half thumbs pointing generally upward. In honor of strawberry jam and all five of today’s #5 honorable lizards, Jerrys, and jams, let’s listen to their favorite song: “Lounge Jam”!